I was going to title this something like "My Past", but then I thought there might be a connotation I'd miss. Btw, have you read this post? So, I decided to make it something else.
If you've ever wondered...
...then you've come to the right place. The short version is that my past left me alienated from emotions, and needing to find my way back after the bullying I've endured finally ended. Before I go into my personal history, let me say that some of what you're about to read may be out of chronological order.
When I went to a school for people with disabilities, I was bullied a lot. I remember hearing that this was because I got angry with my bullies. I, however, maintain that it happened because the bullies had been raised so badly that they used my strong sense of right and wrong against me. At least one teacher must have known what was going on, and yet, not one of them helped me put a stop to it. Maybe that's why I thought for too long that this was just part of life at that school.
I wanted to report it at some point, but that didn't help, because I had already built up a reputation as someone who always got angry too quickly. Whatever "too quickly" meant. I'm still surprised that even the teachers did nothing about the bullying. It got so bad that I even developed hypochondria, which saw me staying home for so long that I ended up getting homework assignments from school by mail.
In those days, I used to watch Star Trek: The Original Series and I really gravitated toward how I saw the Vulcans handle their emotions. So, I ended up suppressing my emotions and using logic. This didn't always work equally well for me, but I managed to get through the Dutch MAVO that way.
I then went on to a KMBO, which is like a vocational school. Although that school apparently did not account for people with disabilities, I did love the atmosphere there. I can honestly say that it was a culture shock, in the positive sense of the word. It felt great, and yet, so unusual to me that I could finally let my guard down!
That culture shock caused my avoidance of emotions to break down. I guess you could say that I replaced it with a balance between logic and emotions. This balance may have, over time, shifted toward emotions more and more, but I believe I still appreciate logical reasoning more than the average person does.
I guess that everyone knows what is said about hindsight, but I do regret not having reported the bullying immediately. Then again, as young as I was, I guess I didn't know any better.
Let me end this blog post with this:
May everyone adopt the Golden Rule, which says:
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
As always, I hope you enjoyed reading this blog post. If you have any questions or comments, then please let me know in the form down below.
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